I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
