Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I could fuck to npr.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
