Kiss
Puke
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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