I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
