if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
