i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
