i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
