she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
