is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
