That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
