I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The struggles of a small town man whore
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
