it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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