her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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