yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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