I feel great
I just peed on a car
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
