I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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