too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
