In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
