so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
