I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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