I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
