i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
