i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
