my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
