Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
