I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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