i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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