I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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