he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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