my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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