You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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