You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
