so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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