I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
