Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
