ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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