I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
