Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
