We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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