The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
