Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
