whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
this just has baby written all over it
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
