I CAN MOONWALK!
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
