dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
