just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
