Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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