sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
