are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
