Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
