Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
