I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
