i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
