chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
