His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
