What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Vodka?
Forever.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
