It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
