Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
