addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
