At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
