almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
