apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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